Have you ever eaten your tacos with a bit of rum and coke? It tastes pretty nasty, so I wouldn't advise it. I'd rather play the banjo with my fiddlestick, which reminds me of a rather funny story. One day I was sitting there kicking my pet rat (yes, pet rat, don't laugh) and I says to myself "Self," I says "you need to get a life." Pretty funny, idn't it? Yes that "d" is supposed to be there. What are you still doing here? There's no message. Wonko the Sane and Arcane Jill are sadly, alas, no longer here. But I have returned in my full glory! Cower before...umm...something. Or maybe I mean cover. Cower, cover? Were the bovines really behind it all? Avast! "We will fight fooooor bovine freeedom, and hold our large heads high! We will run freeeee with the buffaloooo....or diee!!!!!" Yes, it definitely was the bovine, also known as the other other dark meat. Mmm....meat, it's what's for dinner. Damn it Ziv, where are you you ninnyhammer of a prophet of unimportance. I'll show you unimportance. I'll lern ya who's boss, that I will.
Are you quite alright?
I may have to rethink this whole drug legalization scheme...
Besides, I know for a fact that the chickens, not the cows, are behind it all. Hubert was telling me as much the other day.
But that's irrelevent. The point, I think, is that I don't appreciate being called a ninnyhammer, much less a prophet of unimportance. How dare you label me like that. Rascist! I always knew you were prejudiced against Malks. Just like the government. Apparently, Malks aren't eligible to vote. Btw, I'm running for president, send your votes (in the form of five-dollar bills) to
Ziv's Prophecy Ltd.
1717 Lemon Stew Ln.
Malktown, Columbia
I'm certainly quite alright. In fact I could never feel better. You question my sanity? Racist? Ninnyhammer!! The chickens are simply allies of the cows. You see, when the order was given to turn cows to whoppers - enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers - on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers, came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers. Where's MadCow when we need him? I'm certain he could prove my point but he's been MIA for about three years, more's the pity. There's not a prejudiced bone in my body, you silly Malkavian. And you don't know a thing about chess, to be sure. There's a reason ya'll ain't allowed to vote: It skips my mind at the moment, but it will come back to me.
I can't believe you would insult my affinity for chess. I don't recall you ever winning any matches. Aracne Jill and her effing Catholic hordes forced me into nuclear disarmament once, but that's beside the point. Maybe she was abducted my aliens. Maybe she was abducted my MadCow (actually, I'd heard that he defected to the Afghanistan). Hard to say. Feels like time for a prophecy:
"Thaurwylth will drop out of school. Unable to cope with his inferiority to myself, he will take to the streets as a panhandler. He will attempt to use his limited knowledge of probability to cheat at craps, but will be foiled by Mark V. Chaney who will beat him over the sink with quite alright cow choppers. To vote is to be a legalized magic card."
Believe it, lazy cob! I mayn't never've won any matches, but I was never required to as I had no reputation to uphold. Now ketchup, on the other hand, flows redder from the glass bottle than the squeeze. Damn the preservatives! They're a foul concoction of the aliens that stole Arcane Jill, and like as not they were laced with BHT too! I'd wager that Afghanistan was behind MadCow's insanity. Do you like bratwurst? I daren't make any further suggestion for fear of breaking into song. Why? The hills are aliiive with the sound of muuuusiic... Eep! There I go again, thinking about ostriches. There's just something about their big, round...eggs...that's so appealing to the eye.
I happen to make bratwurst, and I know for a fact that it too rejects the petty labels placed on it. In fact, I'm organizing a march on the capital of Afghanistan (as soon as I remember what it is; I left it in my other pants). The bratwurst and I shall liberate ourselves! When I am on the throne, I will end all of this labeling, and these songs, and this ketchup, and BHT, and return Afghanistan to the proud nation it once was!
Ya know, it's stuff like this that makes me want to transubstantiate....
Viva la Afghanistan! They make great blankets for use as either a flag or condiment. Like as not, they'll ask you for a wafer of transubstantiation, then laugh in your face. Some people are just rude. But then, so are armadillos. They have all that armor and make it so difficult for one to get at the tasty meat inside. That's why we have hamburgers and not dilloburgers. What's that you say? Hamburgers are made of beef? It's a conspiracy, I tell you. They're truly made of turkey and giblets, but that's Ronald's secret recipe. Don't let the cat out of the bag. He didn't, when he stuck it in the boiling pot.