Some ideas, in story form.

Beyond Dominia: 3rd War Mill Planning Board: Some ideas, in story form.

By ETP on Monday, June 25, 2001 - 02:38 pm:

The following is part one of a story. Granted we dont have a world yet.. or even a direction. But as long as we are looking for ideas we may aswell write a little bit too. Who knows maybe something in this story will spark an idea or perhaps it will clearly define the kind of thing you really hate, and then we can remember to steer clear of this sort of thing in the Future.

Addess. part 1.

The Great Evil approaches the bar of the Caelian Pub. With a voice trained over ages to damn all of mankind and a tongue sharper than razors It speaks:
"Ale. And keep it coming. This looks like it could be a long night."
"uh huh" said the barkeep, who obviously couldn't fathom the magnitude of his guest. He thought the man looked rather like a soaked mule, and fancied himself to be a lower nobleman, still believing he had a real social life. The signs were clear enough, he thought: Black expensive clothing, wet from the rain and faded from overuse, but once a fine garment; look of poor defeat which fit in rather well here at this establishment; and the way he looked around the place, as though he thought someone might actually look back. 'Miserable bastards', the barkeep thought, looking across the room, 'really brings down ones day'.
--Across the bar one sad fellow began what was going to be a conversation with the bartender, but was quickly silenced by the barkeeps complete indifference. The Barkeep could ignore a man the way that only people stereotyped as good listeners can. When he ignored someone, they damn well stayed ignored.
--Far from the pub, James Addess was working to the best of his ability to speed up the downtown traffic. He had tried cursing to himself, shaking his carriage whip in a threatening manner, cursing at others over the sound of horses and the mill of people, and was currenty cursing other people, to himself. His success was negligible. He had a very welcome apointment with a mug of alcohol across town, and he was damn well not going to wait another moment for it. He'd been stuck not four streets from his workplace for at least a half an hour now and was reaching the limits of his patience. The rain was bad, but the worst part was the stink of hundreds of people, unbathed except for what the rain could wash away, and they were all in his way. He leaned over the carriage to yell at the fat Cairnen Guildsman on the horse to his rear, who was shouting at him and anyone else within screaming distance who would like to hear where he thought James Addess could stick it. James sat back in the carriage. He was far too angry to yell and felt if he tried he would just spit up steaming rage, which was not going to solve anything. Besides, he got rained on more when he leaned out of the carriage to scream. Just when he thought 'I could just bloody kill someone right now' the traffic let up.
--The Great Evil looked out the window, judging the time, and not for the first time. He considered walking away from the whole affair, also not for the first time. He hadn't really expected to come away with anything anyway. 'Well, its not a total loss', the Great Evil thought, 'at least i got good an hammered'. And indeed he did, for when his goal did finally arrive he almost missed him entirely.
--James entered hurriedly and made a bee-line for the bar, bumping into The Great Evil as he did so. James mumbled what might well have been some sort of apology.. Might have been, had he not spent the whole day trapped in a throng of castaways brought here by the city guild halls. The Great Evil said "excuse me", and turned towards the door. He took the door handle, turned it, and spun out of the bar, pissed off, and more than a little bit tipsy. Moments later, before James had even ordered a drink, the Great Evil, stumbled back dumbly and rushed towards James.
"Excuse me" spoke the Great Evil.
"Listen, i said i'm sorry, what else do you want?"
"You need a copper? I can't spare any money, sorry pal."
"No, I.."
"I dont have any tobacco either."
"That's alright I just.."
"Oh, for Orim's sake, here's a dollar!"
"Thank you.. I mean no. That's not what i want." the Great Evil was more than a little taken back by being treated like a vagrant. He resented it a great deal, but, nevertheless, he pocketed the copper piece.
"I am Mr.Ketch. I have been looking for you." spoke the Great Evil confidently.
"I don't need any insurance ive already got some-- bartender!, please im dying here, pour me something. I dont care what if its rubbing alcohol, just make it a double."
"Here, let me pay for that." said Mr.Ketch as he sat next to James. "And im not selling insurance", he continued " Im offering an altogether more interesting product."
"Well, i dont have any money to spend on whatever it is, so i guess you are out of luck."
"No, I guess you are in luck then Mr.Addess, for this product will not cost you a single copper."
James seemed to mull this over and concluded that the man was acting suspiciously friendly.
"I'm not gay."
"Pardon!?" Replied Mr.Ketch, unsure of why James had decided to share that fact.
"It's alright, ill pay for my own drink thanks and you can keep what youve got for me to yourself."
Mr.Ketch was disheartened. Up until that moment he thought he was on a roll. Gay? The Great Evil had never thought he came off as gay. He had been to Sodom And Gomorrah and had found the whole thing quite distasteful.
"Oh, no no no" pleaded Mr. Ketch.
"You're damn right 'no no no'"
"I don't want to sleep with you!" Mr. Ketch said, just loud enough to embarass both himself and James. The bartender shot them both a look of disgust. "I want to talk to you," Mr.Ketch now spoke in a whisper "I want to talk to you about the dreams you keep having; the Hunter."
--Well, that was that. James was tired enough to ignore Mr.Ketch's familiarity with his name but how could he know of the dreams. Night after night it was always the same: He was 'the Hunter', powerful and savage, lurking though the city with a crude weapon in hand. He would stalk through the streets like a panther through high grass, hunting down the guildsmen who have cursed the city and filled it with such refuse. The guild wars filled the streets with blood and fear to those independants who refused to join. He dreamed of ending the guilds, with his bare hands. He had asked a local witch what the dreams had meant and she had said that they were subconsiously homosexual. The witch was a notorious pervert however and thought just about everything was subconsciously homosexual, but seeing that James didnt know that, he was worried about the prediction.
'Maybe that's it' thought James, 'maybe the witch sent this man to see if i was really straight or not'
"For the last time, this has Nothing to do with being gay." Mr.Ketch said in response to James' thoughts. By this time Mr.Ketch had grown too frustrated to be subtle, so he decided to go directly into his sales pitch.
"James this is no joke. And no set-up. I think you know what i truly am, and what i am really offering." With that, Mr.Ketch pulled his face into a devious smile, the kind of smile you would see crawl across the face of a Hesis guildsmember at a funeral. "I know what you want.. i can give it to you. All you have to do is ask."

End of Part One.

The Story takes place in Caelia (name is unimportant i just got it off the top of my head). I imagine the city to be the capitol city of a small plane which sees travellers from many planes (like dominaria and phaema perhaps). The city is comparable to Sigil from planescapes in most respects, except for the appearance (which is a fairly normal looking, if large, city), and the fact that it has its own resources to draw from. There are guilds always seeking to run the city, warring each other for more control. They recruit from many planes, taking in the poor, the weak and the underprivilaged, then training them to fight a violent war in the back alleys and underground of the city.
The tone of my story is often a bit goofy. Thats just how i write and shouldnt be interpretted as a suggestion for the tone of the whole mill.

Id like to know what you think of the story so far. What you think of my idea for the guilds and the city so far. And even what direction you would like the story to go in.

Please dont be too harsh on the quality of writing, its been a while since ive written anyting.

By spin13 on Monday, June 25, 2001 - 04:56 pm:

A little too modern for my tastes. And what comprimises traffic in olden days? If its raining their wont be hundreds of vendors around, and anyone with enough wealth to have a carraige probably has enough power to order people out of his way. And the Great Evil didn't sound too bad, actually, kind of comical. He's drunk, coming off as gay, and introduces himself as "Mr". Not exactly fear-inspiring.

But hey, somebody had to start somewhere. Can't criticize you on that.


By ETP on Friday, June 29, 2001 - 11:52 am:

The word traffic is a problem, i just couldnt think of an appropriate word to fit the time period. As for the reason they are out there, the people are all refugess and imigrants from other places/planes. I didnt know how to best introduce this point without going off on a tangent. Any help that people could offer as to how i could get those points across better would be appreciated. There are other sentences that seem to modern, any help on how to edit them would be appreciated.

I'm glad that you find The Great Evil just as fear-inspiring as i had intended. Obviously the mood of this story is lighter than most demon related tales.

Does anyone have ideas or comments on the story/how to make it better/ where it should go from here? Id love to hear it.

By Sylvester (Sylvester) on Saturday, June 30, 2001 - 07:29 am:

dunno...really sounded very modern 8(

Maybe take the samew story, in a ~20th century plane, and make the devil "teleport" him to Caelia's plane?

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