----- Original Message -----
From: "Oscar Tan"
To:
Sent: Monday, December 11, 2000 11:59 PM
Subject: [meridianmagic] Old Philippine joke thread (Magic vs Pokemon)


> [Moderator: Those this is a little unusual I'm gonna allow it, simply because the explanation of the word "tambay" made me laugh hard and long.]
>
>
> Mighty Mike Kastberg!
>
> This is an old "essay" for a Philippine Magic vs Pokemon contest (that got
> two entries) a few months back.
>
> A high school kid re-posted it on the Philippine dci list, and I had fun
> reading it again. I was wondering if you might appreciate it.
>
> The subject of the joke is Pusoy Dos, a Philippine card game that may be
> known as "cho dai dee" in America. It's kind of like a cross between poker
> and bridge.
>
> The game involves laying down single cards, pairs, three-of-a-kinds or
> trios, or five-card Poker hands including straights, flushes, full houses
> and four-of-a-kinds. Similar to bridge, you play a set of cards after
> another player (but it must be the same number of cards; thus you only play
> single cards if the first player played just one card, and can only play
> five card hands following another five card hand) but can only play a
> "higher" set.
>
> (A four-of-a-kind is treated as a five-card hand by adding an extra card,
> any card.)
>
> Thus, a three can be followed by a four or higher, and a straight must be
> followed by a higher straight, or a flush, full house, four-of-a-kind or
> straight flush.
>
> Once other players decline to follow with another "set" of cards, the last
> player to play his cards gets "control" and plays a new set, which need not
> be of the same number as the last one. (Thus, if a player plays a formidable
> straight flush and everyone declines to play cards because they have no
> five-card hand better than that, the player may then play the lowly four he
> had in his hand.)
>
> A player wins by emptying his hand. Because you cannot play a lower "set"
> than the one just played (such as playing a three after a four), higher
> cards are more powerful as they gain you control and let you dictate the
> game so you can discard your weaker cards.
>
> The catch is that the TWO or the "dos" cards are valued higher than Aces
> just for this game. Thus, with the four twos or "dos" cards, you can easily
> dominate a four player game because each "dos" wins over an entire series of
> single cards by itself, gaining you control.
>
> Because you must break "ties" between single cards and pairs, some suits are
> higher than others, similar to bidding in bridge. Usually, diamonds are the
> highest, followed by hearts, then spades, then clubs. Thus, any four is
> higher than any three in the game, but a three of diamonds is higher than
> any three and may not be followed by another three if played singly (or a
> pair with the three of diamonds may not be followed by the lower pair of
> threes).
>
> (Thus, the weakest card in the game is the three of spades, as its low value
> makes it very difficult to play.)
>
> Thus, the highest individual card in the game is the two of diamonds or "dos
> diamond". Also, the three of clubs is the lowest card in the game, and the
> player who has it must play it (singly or with other cards to form any valid
> pair, three-of-a-kind or five card hand) to begin the game.
>
> Finally, the game is usually played until only one person is left with cards
> and is declared the loser (so he can be punished by having him shuffle or be
> replaced by a waiting player). When a player loses all his cards, "control"
> immediately passes to the player on his right, and he plays a fresh "set" of
> his choice, of any number.
>
> Thus, if you win and the people to your right all have just one card (or
> exactly one set), it is an automatic "loss" for the person to your left
> since they just play their last sets and win automatically.
>
> It sounds complicated but this country loves it. Arranging your 13-card hand
> among many possible configurations requires strategy!
>
> Also, when betting is involved, bets are usually doubled for each "dos" that
> the winner plays in his last hand.
>
> Oscar Tan aka Rakso
> Type I Maintainer
> www.bdominia.com
>
> PS -- Here's a short glossary...
>
> "tambay" -- closest translation is "guy bumming around with nothing better
> to do"
>
> "cono" -- Spanish word bastardized in Filipino slang to refer to a
> stereotypical mestizo rich kid who dresses in designer clothing and speaks
> with a high-sounding strange accent in a mix of Filipino and English
>
> "Ateneo cono bench" -- Hyped up bench outside the college cafeteria of the
> Ateneo de Manila University where the most "cono" allegedly hang out
>
> "mang" -- Filipino equivalent of "mister" but generally used for men of
> lower socio-economic classes (with no stigma or discrimination)
>
> "Dean Alfar" -- Original Philippine tourney organizer and the first National
> champion (or was it second?)
>
> "Ronnie de Leon" -- Store owner in Manila and real nice guy
>
> "Dance, Dance Revolution" -- Surely you've heard of the Playstation games
> where players dance to steps shown on the screen using special dance pad
> controllers on the floor?
>
> > >>Date: Mon, 21 Feb 2000 23:27:42 +0800
> > >>To: p***i@o***s.com
> > >>From: s***o@p***i.com
> > >>Subject: [dci] Magic vs Pokemon Essay, as demanded by Tennille :)
> > >>
> > >>"A comparative study between Magic: the Gathering and Pokemon"
> > >>
> > >>by Oscar Tan; submitted to Prof. Dean Alfar, Novelty Entertainment
> > >>
> > >>INTRODUCTION:
> > >> The debate between Magic and Pokemon has gone on long enough. It is
> time
> > >>to decisively end the controversy once and for all. (What did you
> expect?
> > >>Something profound?)
> > >>
> > >>METHODOLOGY:
> > >> The two card games shall be closely compared on many of their
> > >>characteristics. The game that wins the most comparisons shall be deemed
> > >>most appropriate for the Philippine setting. As a control, a third card
> > >>game shall be introduced. This shall be a game with a very rich history,
> a
> > >>game that demands intricate strategy. A genuinely Filipino card game.
> > >> And, the whole thing shall be formatted for people with short attention
> > >>spans (so sorry if it stretches the entire essay concept.).
> > >>
> > >>Round 1: Market positioning
> > >>Magic: "An intellectual sport."
> > >>Pokemon: "Gotta catch them all."
> > >>Pusoy Dos: "The game of tambays everywhere."
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/1)
> > >>
> > >>Round 2: TV following
> > >>Magic: Amateur home video shown on ESPN 2
> > >>Pokemon: Weekly primetime slot
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Played in front of TVs nationwide
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/2)
> > >>
> > >>Round 3: Educational value
> > >>Magic: Depicts demons and horrors
> > >>Pokemon: Depicts cute and cuddly pocket monsters
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Depicts numbers and letters
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/3)
> > >>
> > >>Round 4: Babes
> > >>Magic: Serra Angel
> > >>Pokemon: Um. what is Pikachu's gender?
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Bar girl at nearest beer house
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/4)
> > >>
> > >>Round 5: Economics
> > >>Magic: Black Lotus beyond $400
> > >>Pokemon: 11 cards for P400
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Can trade the average rare for a deck 4 people can play with
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/5)
> > >>
> > >>Round 6: Best tie-up
> > >>Magic: Cards come free with online contests
> > >>Pokemon: Cards come free with CDs
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Cards come free with plane rides worldwide
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/6)
> > >>
> > >>Round 7: Best gimmick
> > >>Magic: First CCG to launch foil cards
> > >>Pokemon: First CCG to distribute cards using vending machines
> > >>Pusoy Dos: First card game to use pornographic backs
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/7)
> > >>
> > >>Round 8: Learning curve
> > >>Magic: Timing rules require doctorate in mathematics
> > >>Pokemon: Card names require pronunciation guide
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Must know poker
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/8)
> > >>
> > >>Round 9: Worst rules argument
> > >>Magic: What happens when I cast Replenish with 4 Humility, 4 Opalescence
> > >>and 4 Pandemonium in my graveyard?
> > >>Pokemon: If I have a confused Machoke and a Rattata on the bench, can I
> > >>cast Switch, then retreat Rattata then attack?
> > >>Pusoy Dos: What suit is the highest?
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/9)
> > >>
> > >>Round 10: Most devastating finish
> > >>Magic: Ancestral Recall! Mana Drain! Mirror Universe! Fireball! You die!
> > >>Pokemon: Rain Dance! Charizard! Knockout!
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Trio tres! Straight flush! Quadro Dos! Pay up, times four!
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/10)
> > >>
> > >>Round 11: Signature quote
> > >>Magic: "You got your childhood wish at last. Now you get to die." -
> Gerrard
> > >>(Smite)
> > >>Pokemon: "Pika-pika-chu!" - Pikachu (every episode)
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Mercifully, none
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/11)
> > >>
> > >>Round 12: Role Model
> > >>Magic: Dino Yu, model daddy who participates in his child's interests :)
> > >>Pokemon: Tennille Tan, model student with self-confessed second
> childhood :)
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Mang Godofriedo, neighborhood hustler
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/12)
> > >>
> > >>Round 13: Worst villain
> > >>Magic: Mike Long, alleged strange deck randmization
> > >>Pokemon: Little Johnny, throws tantrums when losing
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Mang Salustiano, drunk off-duty cop with loaded firearm
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/0/13)
> > >>
> > >>Round 14: Proponent of game
> > >>Magic: Dean Alfar, tournament coordinator
> > >> "I used to own one of only two Mishra's Factories in the country!"
> > >>Pokemon: Tennille Tan, student
> > >> "I use the money from judging Magic to buy Pokemon!"
> > >>Pusoy Dos: J. Orville Salazar y Ibarra, Ateneo cono bench tambay
> > >> "I make gupit all my klase to make laro this laro!"
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pokemon (0/1/13)
> > >>
> > >>Round 15: Backer of proponent
> > >>Magic: The DCI
> > >>Pokemon: "Papa" Ronnie de Leon
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Ateneo cono bench
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pokemon (0/2/13)
> > >>
> > >>Round 16: Moneymaking possibilities
> > >>Magic: Make thousands of dollars by winning the world championship
> > >>Pokemon: Make thousands of pesos by swindling kids passing by Virra Mall
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Double your money in a couple of hours
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/14)
> > >>
> > >>Round 17: Least boring of boring matchups
> > >>Magic: Mono blue with Faerie Conclave vs Mono blue with Stalking Stones
> > >>Pokemon: Mr. Mime vs Mr. Mime
> > >>Pusoy Dos: All players have nothing better than pairs
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/15)
> > >>
> > >>Round 18: Sindak value
> > >>Magic: Opponent plays land, Mox, Mox, Mox, Black Lotus, Time Walk,
> > Timetwister
> > >>Pokemon: Opponent begins game by filling bench with nothing but foils
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Opponent accidentally drops four 2s and winks
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/16)
> > >>
> > >>Round 19: Most heartbreaking defeat
> > >>Magic: Opponent plays Cadaverous Bloom and casts a 20-point Drain Life,
> and
> > >>you cast an Ebony Charm and drain back 1 life
> > >>Pokemon: You play your rhino pokemon and make the coin flips
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Opponent plays a Dos Hearts, which you beat with the Dos
> Diamond
> > >>he thought someone already dropped, and his only other card is a Three
> of Spades
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/17)
> > >>
> > >>Round 20: Most broken card
> > >>Magic: Ancestral Recall, draws you three cards for one mana
> > >>Pokemon: Professor Oak, draws you seven cards for free
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Dos Diamond, wins over anything
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/18)
> > >>
> > >>Round 21: Dirtiest play
> > >>Magic: Cast Might of Oaks on an attacking Elvish Lyrist
> > >>Pokemon: Gust of Wind out a Pokemon with just 10 HP left
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Play a straight flush over opponent's Full House with Kings
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/19)
> > >>
> > >>Round 22: Sneakiest play
> > >>Magic: Sac your Academy Rector and bring out a Yawgmoth's Bargain
> > >>Pokemon: Use Super Energy Removal on a Stage 2 Pokemon with 2 colored
> > >>energy and a Double Colorless
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Lay down two five-card plays and win, and pass control to the
> > >>two people to your right each have just one card left.
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/20)
> > >>
> > >>Round 23: Most annoying play
> > >>Magic: Discarded Nether Spirit followed by Dark Ritualed Contamination
> > >>Pokemon: Scoop Up, after opponent deals 90 damage to your 100 HP Pokemon
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Play a Queen over a Four
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Pusoy Dos (0/2/21)
> > >>
> > >>Round 24: Collector's progress
> > >>Magic: Bot Butaran to complete Goblin collection after he finds a Beta
> > >>Goblin King
> > >>Pokemon: Ash still unable to complete Pokemon collection after dozens of
> > >>episodes
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Hmmm. mahirap ito!
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Magic (1/2/21)
> > >>
> > >>Round 25: Game icon (with sig quote)
> > >>Magic: Dean Alfar, "The Top 8 will do Dance, Dance Revolution in front!"
> > >>Pokemon: Pikachu, "Pika-pika-chu!"
> > >>Pusoy Dos: Mang Artemio, "Ang tagal naman ng amo ko!"
> > >>
> > >>Winner: Magic (2/2/21)
> > >>
> > >>CONCLUSION:
> > >> So why the complaints about expensive booster packs?