The Magic Joke Collection : Nicknames (Land,Artifacts,Gold,Black,Blue)

Beyond Dominia: Magic Joke Collection: Nicknames: Land,Artifact, Gold, Black, Blue Card Nicknames

Exploring the humorous side of the world's most collectable card game


Submit a Nickname!

NOTICE: To all of you that have been trying to send me your jokes, The system is still not working. Please, if you wish for me to show your jokes, try sending them directly to me (Umiak Boyd) by way of your e-mail. Just be sure to include all information (e.g. if the card is a nickname, include both the original name, and any nicknames, and whether or not you wish to be given credit and, if so, what do you want to be called). When the system works, I will post it.

Note : Any joke with profanity, racism, discrimination, etc., will be disintegrated, incinerated, counterspelled, spell-blasted, fire balled...

ALSO : It may take up to two weeks for your joke to appear.... please be patient, and visit often! :^)



Bottomless Vault
Fort Knox
City of Brass
Tim and his amazing technicolour dreamcoat; City of Pain
Tim Under the Sand; Tim's Backyard; The Land Before Tim; Tim at the Beach; Tim's house
Future Parking Lot
Island of Wak-Wak
Island of Wacked; Gilligan's Island
Kjeldoran Outpost
Dude Ranch
Maze of Ith
Maze of Ick; Mega Ick; Maze of Twit; Maze of Itch; Maze of cheese; Blight bait
Mishra's Factory
Ticked off union workers; Stumpy
Mogg Hollows
Hog Wallows
Tim's favorite vacation spot
More Kansas Flatland
Rainbow Vale
"This land is my land, this land is your land..."; Bong Land; Reading Rainbow; Happy land
Safe Haven
Witness protection program; Hidey Hole
Snow-Covered Forest
"Hey, living there made the atog what it is today."
Kird Ape County
Teferi's Isle
Timberline Ridge
Tenderloin Ribs
Urza Lands
Urza's Bug; Urza's Baked Potato; Big Ben


Tim in a Bottle; The Holy Hand Grenade
Aladdin's Ring
Tim's Cannon; The Timinator; Tim on drugs; The ShotGun; Bazooka; Spock Ring; Thump!; Mana Cannon; "All right, darling, I have a very important question to ask you..."
Armageddon Clock
Tick, tock...
Barbed Sextant
Barbie's sextant; Barbie's dream cantrip;
Basalt Monolith
Phallic Battery; Neveready Battery
Black Lotus
Rich but Dumb; Big bad flower; Flower Power!
Black Mana Battery
Foul Flowerpot
Black Vise
Not Nice; Velveeta; Summon Opponent Loses The Game; Dummy Crusher; Well aged cheddar; "Oops, I won!"
Blue Mana Battery
Pacific Hydroelectric
Bone Flute
Skin Flute
Bottle of Suleiman
Bottle of Sillyman; Bottle of Djinn; Djinn in a Jug; Pop Up Djinn
Brass Man
The Gimp; Beaker; The Nutless Wonder; C3P0; The Tin Woodsman; Rusty
Chaos Orb
happy fun ball; Cocoa Puff; Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
Coal Golem
Colossus of Sardia
Andre, wearing a holocaust cloak from The Princess Bride; Rocky
Cursed Rack
Confiscation Day; Tax audit
Cyclopean Tomb
King Tut's Tomb
Cow Call
Dingus Egg
Dingle Egg
Elkin Bottle
Bottle of Suck
Feldon's Cane
Serra Insurance; The Recycling Program
Fellwar Stone
Wellfare Stone; Mox Pyrite; City of Brasstone
Fountain of Youth
IV Drip
Gauntlets of Chaos
Jonsey's Mittens of Confusion
Gauntlet of Might
Disechant Target
Glasses of Urza
Summon Annoy Opponent; Cheat sheet
Grapeshot Catapult
Surface to Air Tim; Skeet Shooter
Green Mana Battery
Magic Mirror
Howling Mine
Happy Mine; Howling mime
Ice Cauldren
Mice cauldren; "What do I do again?"
Icy Manipulator
Icky Manipulator; Twiddle Stick; Spicy Rejunivator; Icy
Implements of Sacrifice
Lotus wanna-be
Iron Star
Oriental Red
Ivory Tower
Phallic Tower
Jade Monolith
Statues of Easter Island
Jade Statue
"I saw it MOVE!!! I Swear, I saw it MOVE!!!"; Gumby; Buddha
Jayemdae Tome
Book; Look it up
Jester's Cap
Jester's Crap; Summon Pickpocket; Wet Head; Deck Rapist
Jeweled Amulet
Mox on layaway; Poor Man's Mox; Baby Mox; Ashnod's Broken Mox
Fugglynaut; Lightning Rod; Bolt Bait; Juggersnot; Mamma Jugs, I believe; "chug-a-chug-a chug-a-chug-a"; Lightning rod; Juggy
Mana Crypt
Tim's Slot Machine
Mana Vault
Tim in a Safe
Tim's Cat; Tims a Were-cat
Limbo Stick
Mirror Universe
The Big Cheese
Mox Emerald
Mood Ring; Elf on a rope
Nevinyrral's Disk
Tim's Rampage; Reset Button; Larry Niven's Disk; Panic Button; Kaboum!; The Great Equalizerl; Neville's disk; Vinnie
Obsianus Golem
Rocky; Obscene Gole; Chocolate Thunder; Obseqious Golem; Stinky
Hornythopter; Ornipopper; Atog food; Orniflopter; The Kite
Primal Clay
The Rack
Are you on crack!?; Supply-sider Magic
Rack-a-lame; the mana sponge
Red Mana Battery
Chili Pepper; Blood Bank
Ring of Maruf
Ring of My Roof
Rocket Launcher
Semi-automatic Tim; Teenage Turtles with Rabies; Tim with an Uzi; Tim on a shoulder
Rod of Ruin
Tim on a stick; Ugly Stick; B.B. Gun; Artifact Tim
Roto Rooter; Jurassic park anyone?; Orni's big brother
Serrated Arrows
TimSneeze, Timanche; Bulls Elf!!!!!
Snake Basket
Can of Worms
Soldelvi Golem
Juggernaut in training
Soldevi Sentry
Soldevi Surfer
Sol Grail
Holy Grail; Mox Prism
Sol Ring
Flaming Cheerio; Ring of Fire; Mystic Donut
Spirit Shield
Standing Stones
"I can't afford a city of brass"
Teferi's Puzzle Box
Rubix Cube
Three-Shot Pistol; Three shot tim; Tim on a timer; Robo-Tim; Mad Shop-vac; 3 Tims in a tube
Urza's Bauble
FREE GIFT!; Atog Fodder
Vexing Arcanix
Psychic Hotline; Russian Roulette: the home game; The Perpetual Stomach Ache
VooDoo Doll
Cabbage Patch Tim; Grandma's pin cushion; Acupuncture gone awry
White Mana Battery
Solar Panel
Wooden Sphere
Morning Wood
Yotian Soldier
Serra Junkpile
Zuran Orb
Zorb; Zuran cheeseball; Summon twenty more turns


Angus MacKenzie
Mr. Fog
Arcades Sabboth
Elemental Augury
The Psychic Friends Network
Essence Vortex
How much you like that critter?
Gwendolyn Di Corci
Original owner of the Disrupting Scepter
Kasmir the Lone Wolf
Kasmir the lame wolf
Kjeldoran Frostbeast
Popsicle gone bad; The Abominable Snowman; The Ghost; Kjeldoran Frostbite
Lady Caleria
Lady Celery; Lady Calorie
Lord Magnus
Lord Pupa (looks like he's cocooned)
Marhault Elsdragon
Conan the Barbarian; Mr. Spock on steroids
Merieke Ri Berit
If Seasingers could walk...; Devil Seasinger
Mountain Titan
Mr happy
Old Geezer
Nicol Bolas
Book Worm
Rith, The Awakener
Flying Monkey
Skeleton Ship
Ren & Stimpy; Bert and Ernie; Cheech and Chong; Yin and Yang; Multiple Man; Two for one sale; Twin Trouble; He's two mints in one!; Beavis & Butthead; Pinky and the Brain
Storm Spirit
Tim on Acid
Tor Wauki
Tor the Wacky


The Abyss
The Bermuda Triangle
Abbysal Horror
Worthless rare; Piece of Junk; Doesn't deserve to be a card; Dumbest Rare; Kitty Litter
Abyssal Specter
Chicken Rider
All Hallow's Eve
Dawn of the Dead; Tim's Night Out
Tim's P.O.ed ancestor; Tim on steroids
Baron Sengir
Fireball fuel; Baron Harkonnen
Bog Imp
Pimp daddy
Breeding Pit
Doritos (Crunch all you want; we'll make more); hippy protest camp; Lord of the Pit food; Torach's dinner
Brine Shaman
Jacques Cousteau [look very closely]
Cosmic Horror
Cthulhu; the Thing that goes Bump in the Night
Crypt Rats
Pestilence Bombs
Cuombajj Witches
Tim' Evil Stepsisters; Kumbaya Witches; Tim's ex-girlfriends; Timmerang; Mrs. Tim
Cursed Land
Urza's Three Mile Island; "Hey, who played Flight on the control rods?"
Cyclopean Mummy
King Tut; Unrecyclable Mummy; Cyclo-peon Mummy; "Hey, what happened to my Cyclopean Tomb?"
Dark Banishing
"Fix em'"
Black Fog
Demonic Attorney
Dwarven Simpson Defense Team
Demonic Consultation
DC; "Boy, I really need that card!!!"
Demonic Tutor
Demonic Booger (Demonic Tutor helps you "pull out a good one".) ; Demonic Neutor; Demonic Cheater; Demonic Tooter; Geometry teacher; DT; Demonic Two-Door; "Go Fish"
Derelict; Juzam Jr.; Thrull Cow
Diseased Vermin
Plague Rats, v. 2.0
Drain Life
Tinkerbell goes bad
Dread Wight
Dead Weight
Drudge Skeletons
Juggernaut Feed ; Geometry Students ; "'Tis but a scratch!" ; "None shall pass."
Dry Spell
Erg Raiders
Third Graders; Egg Riders; Urban Raiders; ERRRRGH!; Refrigerator raider
The Fallen
Fallen Angel
Serras bloodthirsty twin
Fevered Strength
Frozen Shade
Frozen Pop
Goast Hounds
"nice doggie... AHHHH!"
Grandmother Sengir
Dr. Ruth; Grandma; Grandmama; "Come sit on grandma's lap!"; The Old Bag
Hasran Ogress
Chubby Tart; Little Miss Slobbiddy; Jabba Da' Slut
Gattling Tim; Metronome(pokes constantly); Pestilence with Glasses
Hell's Caretaker
Hell Gate Keeper; The Crypt Keeper
Howl from beyond
Howl from behind; Creature belches a fireball
Hyalopterous Lemure
Hypotanuse Lemure; Hippopotamus; Hypo-lazurus Lemure
Hymn To Tourach
My Dinner With Tourach
Hypnotic Specter
Hypnotic Sphincter; Damn Hippies; Hyppie, Hippie; Nymphonya sphinctor; Hippy
Infernal Darkness
"Hey, who turned out the lights?"; Blackout
Initiates of the Ebon Hand
the filter
Tim on a witch hunt; "Nobody expects the Spanish..."
Irini Sengir
"I want my alimony!"
Juzam Djinn
Ol' Ugly; Juice and Gin
Krovikan Vampire
Dr. Kevorkian vampire; Cherub
Lord of the Pit
Pit friendless; Lord it's a Pity; Fluffy, Lord of the Cess Pit; Summon Self Destruct Sequence; Peaches; Up-and-coming Slim-Fast customer
Marsh Gas
"Who sliced the cheese!!"
Mind Twist
Mind Cheese
Moor Fiend
Morphine; Moor Friend
Not Right
Nether Shadow
He'll Be Back!!
IgNorrit(ignore it)
"Red light!"; Mononucleosis; Summon Centaur Belly button Blaster; Liposuction
Plague Witch
Blair Witch; Britany Spears; Purple People Killer
The Black Plague
Royal Assassin
Vinnie; "Quick! Get that Lightning Bolt out!"; Super Tim!; Le Royal with Cheese; Homicidal Tim
Sengir Autocrat
Shemp (with Larry, Moe, and Curly)
Sengir Vampire
Telly; Cueball; Uncle Fester; Tom Cruise (Interview...); Captain Picard; Stinger; Vlad; Lawyer (gains off of other peoples suffering.); Lestat; Strahd
Sorceress Queen
Resourceless queen; the visene lady; Sengir spoonfeeder
Soul Burn
Soul Food (heals caster)
Stench of Evil
"All Right, Who Farted?"
Touch of Death
Poke o' Death
Uncle Istvan
Leatherface with a Hatchet; Uncle Istie; Jason (from Friday the 13th); Uncle Willy; Wall of Istivan, wall of uncle's, wall of old farts; O.J. Simson; The old man from scene 24 (Holy Grail); Uncle Izzy
Veldrane of Sengir
Kurt veldrane the singer; Mick (Jagger)
Will o' the Wisp
Wall o' the Wisp
Yawgmoth's Bargain
Yawgmoth's Card Trade; E-Bay
Yawgmoth Demon
The Pitlord's bad hair day; Atog with a shotgun


Aether Storm
Birth Control
Apprentice Wizard
Mana Man; Merlin
Balduvian Conjurer
Bony Conjurer
And now, deep thoughts...; "That was my skull!!! I'm so wasted!!!"
Baby Crawdad
Xerox; Photo Copy
Control Magic
"Wow, I've always wanted one of these!"; Herbal Extacy
"Not on my shift!"; Try again!; "Maybe later!"; "You thought"; "As if!"; "You didn't say Mother May I"; "Not to be!" ; Simon didn't say; Blocked!; "Just say no!"
Counterspell (IA)
Shutdown in a swimsuit
Deep Spawn
Big Crawdad; Rock, rock, Rock Lobster!; Blue Lobster
Flash Counter
"No, I insist!"
Flying Men
Flap Flap
"Another tragic plumbing accident!"; "Get your tools!"; "Let's go surfing!"
Force Spike
For Spite
Ghost Ship
Tim on the Titanic
Giant Albatross
"Albatross! Albatross!"; "It's got a bloody Albatross flavour!"
Giant Oyster
Tim trap
Giant Shark
Homarid Spawning Bed
Crawdad Farm; Seafood Restaurant
Island Fish Jasconius
Wrath of Cod; Wall of Really Big Fish; I'm standin on a what!?!?; Giant sushi bar
Pocket rocket
"Just suppose" we had different creatures!
Terminator; The Windsock; Fog Bait; Mr. Fishie
Magical Hack
David Copperfield
Mahamoti Djinn
Margarine Djinn
Mana Short
Child support; not today; shoulda paid your electric bill; Poor man's Timewalk
Martzipan; Margarine
Memory Lapse
"Stay tuned- Same deck, next round!"; Time Walk
Mystic Decree
The FAA; Ground Control
Mystic Remora
Pesce alla Jayemdae
Phantom Monster
Cookie Monster
Pirate Ship
Tim on a cruise; Tim on a boat; Tim on a Ship; Aqua-Tim; Admiral Tim; Timtanic; Swim Tim; Tims of the Carribean
Polar Kraken
Nice Puppy. . .; "Granny! What big teeth you have!"; "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea"
IMPortent(it's important to see the upcoming cards)
Power Sink
Disgruntled Lunchlady(Breakfast exploded again); I hate cleaning the toilet!!
Prodigal Sorcerer
Tim; Pierre; Picard; Particle Bob; InTIMadator; Pinger; Bink; Binky; Prod; POKE!; Prodigal Popper; Poker, Prodigal Poker; Prodigal Sniper; Jacques
Psychic Allergy
Tim with a cold
Psionic Entity
Suicidal Tim; S&M Tim; Akira
Puppet master
Japedo; "Toby! Toby! ...Yes, lord Kuruku?"
Ray Of Command
Jack Kevorkian
Ray of Erasure
Millstone wanna-be
Remove Soul
Reveka Wizard Savant
Tim's Eccentric Uncle; Old Mother Tim
Sea Serpent
Wall of Fish; Wall of Scales
Clam Chick
Sergovian Leviathan
Baby Leviathan
Sibilant Spirit
"Ready or not, here I come..."
Sliptide Serpent
"NO! NOT THE SERPENT AGAIN!!!"; Slip-Slide Serpent; "And I Bet You Thought That The Power Of Blue Was Just In The Spells"
Sunken City
Magic Rocks
Suq'Ata Firewalker
Fireproof Tim, Firefighter Tim
Eye of Eyelace
Time Elemental
"Go away. Go on, scoot. Shoo."
Wheel of Feldon
Time Walk
"Here we go again!!!"
"Who's there?"; "Who's attacking? I don't see anybody."
Viscerid Drone
Sebastian the crab
Wall of Vapor
Vapor Barrier; "Ok, Who farted"
Wall of Wonder
"Man, I'm more wasted than I thought."
Zephyr Falcon
Serrakeet (mini Serra Angel); Zippy the wonder chicken!!; Serra Chicken
Zuran Spellcaster
Jim; Tom; Tim on Ice; Timsicle; Zim; Frozen Tim; Ice-T; Tim Twin; Zack; Al from Home Improvement; Uncle Tim; Grandpa Tim
Zur's Weirding
"If you can read this card, you have already lost"; Show and Tell

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